Thirteen Observations About Life
- Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
- The easiest way to find something that you lost in your house is to buy a replacement.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
- Have you noticed that since everyone has a cell phone with a video camera, no one talks about seeing UFOs any more?
- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
- I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
- All of us could take a lesson from the weather: It pays no attention to criticism.
- In the 1960’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
- Why is there a light in the refrigerator, but there isn’t one in the freezer?
- Ever wonder about the thought processes of the person who first said, “Look at that chicken over there. I wonder what it tastes like.”
- If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
- Ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window and lets the wind blow in his face?
- Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?